ABBY’S STEPS TO FREEDOM

ABBY’S STEPS T= O E= NJOYMENT

Abby Saunders is a Professional Screen, Television, Media, Theatre Actress and writer. Well known in the USA and <= st1:country-region w:st=3D"on">UK for = her promotional activities on behalf of the transgender communities. An outgoing personality, she lives her lifestyle to the full, promotes it at every opportunity and writes on her experiences as she regularly travels througho= ut the World.

Hello Everyone,

Dressi= ng in the opposite gender is a delightful and enjoyable experience.

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IS = IT? – are you getting the most out of it, do you “get= out and about “ or are you one of many thousands of ‘special girls” that never venture out of the front door … oh dear ̷= 0; !

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Don’t be embarrassed by this introduction, I wr= ite to help as a friend. You have thousands of sisters all over the World who are = in this position. They too lack the confidence, self assurance, experience, knowledge of where to go to meet other sisters and most important, the opportunity, in many cases due to family, marital or location circumstances to enjoy their feminine self in a public environment. How= ever they do long to!

For many years I have been writing articles for a num= ber of transgender magazines including CD/TG websites on “Abby’s Adventures”. You may even have read some of them. I receive hundreds = of e-mails on these “adventures’, many from girls who would love to have such experiences but do not see how they possibly can.

Well, ladies, to start with let’s consider what= it is we do. Personally, I h= ave always considered that we are practicing a very special “art”. = An art that goes back several centuries to its beginning in France. Did you think it was “new”= ?

Whether you are a CD,TV TS or ???, (oh how I hate = these labels), you enjoy being a woman sometimes, right?, expressing your fem= inine side. OK then, let us take this lifestyle and its public appearance experim= ents step by step.

Firstly, if I was ONLY to dress, apply makeup and style my hair INDOORS, then, frankly I would not even bother. It does = not matter too much even if you do not “pass”, since when have all = real women been good looking or glamorous. Look around you next time you are out shopping, you may suddenly realize that you are as good, (if not better), looking and “well turned out” than the majority. Another consideration is to appreciate that you probably, like the majority of us, = take a great deal of time getting ready. You pay much more attention to your appearance than the average female. Not for you those horrible stretch pants and a dowdy sweater and large white running shoes … … ugh, what a mess! No, you w= ear a skirt and fashionable top, or perhaps your favorite dress with accessories including a nice handbag, your nails polished, shoes to match, (my rule generally in daytime is court type shoes and in the evenings, (depending up= on where I am going), open toe sandals – Abby loves to show off her pain= ted toe nails. Some girls wear a hat as this provides some “camouflage= 221; when first venturing out … … and of course special attention to= your makeup.

I won’t discuss makeup/makeovers in this articl= e, that’s a separate subject, perhaps for another time. I assume that mo= st of you have experimented to the extent that you have found, and are satisfi= ed, with your make up appearance.

This art we practice is perhaps the greatest complime= nt to women ever! In an age where they are often still somewhat “put down”, we acknowledge them as “special” and perhaps that = is why they readily accept and appreciate us. When out for the evening, Abby is regularly “adopted” by real girls and women, many have become friends over the years. I have one special lady friend who sends me letters addressed to her “girlfriend”. Once when she and I were in a ba= r, some guy made a comment about me, she apparently replied that, Abby = was more of a man than he would eve= r be … fortunately I was in the “loo” at the time … see = it can happen, but not often. If it does, take it in your stride, DO NOT respond, (this could provo= ke further action), better still make no eye contact, just continue whatever y= ou are doing and if with a friend, continue your conversation.

Abby has dressed since she was Seventeen … (no remarks – I know I am now a little over Twenty One), ahem! I was very passable than, very slim with girlish facial features. She was then, and is now, a very extrovert personality and of course I have to admit that now as= an actress, has another arrow to her feminine confidence bow.

ABBY AND HER MAJESTY, QUEEN GLORIA

Advantages? yes, probably, but you know as one gets a little older the “presentation” becomes more complicated. I have another friend,= Gloria Swansong, in London who is also “over 21”, and she has develope= d a spectacular “role” in looking like the Queen … funny thing is, she looks like her and even is invited to attend functions as Her Majes= ty.

The point I am making is, if you are young, you have = all the natural advantages of the skin tones of a real girl, if you are not, you are on the same level of most of the “mums” out there and many = are also “over 21”! Passing? … Who cares … mature gracefully. Attitude, confidence and personal presentation is all you need to enjoy your public excursions. =

Let’s see what you can do about your “hermit” existence. If you are alone without “connections” then consider how you can help yourself.

STEP #1= – Contacts. <= /p>

If you reside in the UK you can, and I recommend you should, join a club, group or formal reputable organization such as MANCHESTER CONCORD in Manchester, you can contact Mary, (legs), at = marythelegs@hotmail.com who run= s the every Wednesday 7pm evening meetings at the Rembrandt Hotel in Canal Street, Manchester. Mary is nice and friendly and will readily welcome you. If you = are not near the Manchester area, contact Janet Scott, President of the Beaumont Society at JScott5426@aol.com, a = most understanding and helpful lady, mention to both organizations that Abby Sau= nders suggested you contact them. Here you will also find sisters ready and willi= ng to “help”. She will advise you of similar contacts and special events in your own area location. In the USA contact TRIESS, there are chapters in most cities and you can find a contact on the internet. They too will welcome you.

More, you will suddenly have friends, functions to at= tend and outings to participate in with the company of girls just like you. WOW … look out World here I come= ! Maybe where you live such opportunities don’t readily exist, or you don’t know how or where to find them, you do now, …Right.=

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STEP #2 - Open the door!,

Want to “experiment” privately? perhaps w= ith a friend or your wife/partner? OK, try these gentle excursions; please consid= er these as starting points in your “en femme” travel…..

(a)- W= alk around the garden – take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood at dusk,= drive down to the mailbox and post a letter, pose for a photo outside the front d= oor, invite a cd friend for a salad lunch on YOUR patio or in the garden.=

(b)- = More adventures, take your car to a filling station and pay with your credit card “at the pump”, next time pay at the outside booth and later sti= ll, go inside, pick up a candy bar and pay for it and the gas across the counte= r. Pop down to the local, (or night shop), store and buy a newspaper or loaf of bread. Meet the mailman at your door when he delivers your mail, smile nice= ly and thank him, wish him a nice day”. Always dress “nicely”, (no garters showing), don’t linger, all of your meetings with the mailman can be done almost in one movement as you cl= ose the door – then run into the kitchen and loudly shout “YE= S”!

(c)- Ma= king progress? delighted with your new clever self?, then try these, by yourself= or with a friend. Go to a Starbucks and sit on the terrace with a coffee and j= ust chat or if on your own read a book, everyone else is, aren’t they. Ne= ed hose? Or just an excuse to “do something”, go to a shop just be= fore they close in the evening and buy some, generally they are not as full as t= hey may be at 11am and you won’t run into too many people, the staff are = looking forward to going home after their long day and in any case “who cares”. They will gladly take your money and usually I have found will smile and say “thank you “MADAM”, (the first time = that happens it will really make your day!). They would much rather be home.

(d)- You have a prescription drug to pick up from Boo= ts, collect it at the drive thru window, (if they have one), or in the main store. Boots have a very tolerant = policy concerning TG persons. In fact on one occasion I arranged at the main store= in Market Street, Manchester, for them to remain open after normal hours for some 30+ Concord girls to shop. This was a most successful evening with even a makeup demonstration performed on me! Go to McDonalds, order a meal at the drive thru window, drive away with that glow= ing feeling, you did it! And surprisingly there was no problem in doing so, no one made any embarrassing difficulties, it was all so normal … do it again? … you bet!.

(e)- One of the real pleasures is going to a friendly= shoe store, in the USA we have a National chain called Payless Shoes. I am sure there will be simi= lar stores in the UK and trying on shoes, making a selection, paying for them and being wished a nice day “madam”, oh the joy! Even now, I never still get tired of the “rush” from that.<= /o:p>

These are but a few of “outings” practice= d by “the girls”. I am sure you can think of many similar ideas to encourage and put you “out there” feeling comfortable. Don̵= 7;t be too ambitious at first, take it easy, you have time! <= /span>

How about this occasion! Abby, (if you know her she a= lways wears short skirts to show off legs admired by so many women – oh yes= she is vain, well, just a little … giggles), perched on a high stool at, Macy’s, one of the USA major department stores, (like Debenhams or BH= S), makeup counter, in the middle of the afternoon, some 12 or so ladies watching this special lady having h= er eye shadow and makeup worked on by the sales lady! Abby loved it, so too did the sales lady, (after all it was her idea), and the audience thought this was a very special event. Abby, thought she looked a darn sight better than the majori= ty of her audience.

This is not the first time Abby has done this, there = is a national chain of pharmacies, (similar to Boots). One day Abby was invited = by the makeup supervisor of one of the counters to be her model. Can you imagi= ne some 20 to 30 people watching this lady completely remove then = replace all of Abby’s makeup, all to a running advising commentary. She did a wonderful job, the audience were very impressed and Abby was delighted! = What more could this girl possibly ask for, shy, she is not! Incidentally, over the years these coun= ter ladies have taken a real interest in Abby, providing FREE samples of new ma= keup.

Before= going any further lets identify a basic premise; all stores sell goods – they n= eed to sell to stay in business. Your £’s are the same £’s as Mrs= . Jones living next door. You don’t pay a premium for them serving you just because you are dressed, nor will they discount your purchases for the same reason – IT IS AN EQUAL SITUATION – your money is just as good= as anyone else’s, don’t you agree?

What are we really suggesting here. A basic step by s= tep CONFIDENCE BUILDING of course, letting you discover your other self and enjoying experiences you thought were only for “others”. NONESENSE, my dear, the others to “others” is YOU. To my knowledge there is= no special spotlight, (although as an actress Abby would love one), following = you around or a large sign proclaiming to the World “look there is a cross dresser”.

Of course not, but I do understand that you probably = always think there is. Most people may glance at you, some may even stare occasion= ally, (but they are in the minority and usually the unenlightened – I am being polite here), m= ost people are too involved with their own affairs to do much more than glance.= The most likely females to “read” you are 14 to 17 year old schoolgirls. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea, but they read us like radar. They giggle and move on. Abby has often, when in this situation, acknowledged them with a wave and smile, have even had waves returned, once= a girl around 17 or whatever she was, asked me where I bought my handbag!

Conflicts? Yes of course. In my opinion there are two= . The conflict within ourselves and the conflicts in associating with “others”.

#1- Conflict: Feelings of shame or guilt. =

Do you feel that you should hide, feel you are doing something wrong, are a pervert and advertising to the world that you may be= so, feel ashamed and insecure? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Dressing i= s an art. It is also an activity that requires a blend of dedication, confidence= and awareness. Firstly, I would mention that you are not doing something “wrong”. Both USA and UK law allows you to dress in this manner if you so wish.

You must maintain a positive attitude to yourself. It= ’s your life, and unlike my cat, Smudg= e, you only get one. How you choose to live it is your affair.

Well of course this over simplifies the matter I agre= e. Generally though, it will prevail and you will enjoy your “secondR= 21; self to whatever level, as quickly or gently as your own personality and circumstances will allow. I am certainly not suggesting here that you immediately rush off to the office in your best dress. Chances are the boss would = have a heart attack and his successor ask you to leave. =

To find out if “going public” is for you,= try similar steps to those above, first in a relaxed manner, do not try to do everything the same weekend. Take your time, of course if you have become a member of = Manchester Concord, The Beaumont Society, or TRI-ESS in the USA, as I have suggested, or = other organized group, their activities will quickly integrate you into the public scene and support your public outing excursions

#2- Conflict in relating to “others”=

Criticism may come from your family if they do not kn= ow and you decide to tell them or they accidentally discover you when they unexpectedly pay you a visit, perhaps they should have called and as= ked if their visit was ”convenient”, first.<= /p>

How you explain this to them will depend on their personality, their love for you as a person and acceptance that you have a lifestyle a little difference from others. Sisters seem to be the catalyst between a cross dresser and the family. Like the female sex in general, the= y seem to understand more readily and tend to support through understanding. Fathe= rs the least acceptable because they see you as their “failure” to rear a “macho man”, wha= tever that may mean. Mothers may take a little time but come to acceptance relatively soon. If you are subjected to conflict arising from a casual or “public” appearance do not consider for a moment that you have = been “caught in the act”... you are still in a legal arena.

Outsid= ers are different. There is no previous relationship, you don’t know them, th= ey don’t know you. Sarcasm can be their main (sometimes only weap= on, as they have no idea how to defend their point of view through discussion), thrust. Their aim is firstly to cause you embarrassment. If you are comfort= able with who you are and feel no shame, they cannot succeed. However to prevent such a situation escalating to a physical one, smile, try NOT to engage in conversation or comment, walk away and avoid eye contact wherever possible.=

Bad manners and worse, public displays of aggression = are inexcusable, They do unfortunat= ely from time to time occur. The offenders often are drunk or n’er do wel= ls. In their own way, they too want attention, and this is often to only way th= ey can get some. Don’t pr= ovide it, just walk away, they will soon tire of the “lo= st cause”. Do you automatically think you are categorized as a pervert, = gay, deviate or? Does it really matter what others, (strangers), think.

You probably won’t ever see them again. What yo= u are and your comfort level with your personal lifestyle is the really important thing, isn’t it?

Of course it goes without really having to say that y= ou should always try not to drink too much alcohol. It has an affect of cloudi= ng one’s normal judgment in any circumstances.

When out in public, an especially should you be drivi= ng, always make sure that you remain IN CONTROL. Wobbling around on high heels = is not conducive to engaging in conversation, certainly such a situation will inevitably place you at a distinct disadvantage to others, and again should= be confronted by someone intent on doing you harm or at the very least embarrassing you in public. It would not appear to be very good either shou= ld you be stopped whilst dressed and/or driving by a police officer or car for some infringement of the law, even a minor one. Sitting overnight, in your mini, high heels and handbag, in a police station along with various villai= ns could be something you would not wish to do.

There is so much to do and enjoy. Do you like theatres, cinemas or a concert and similar public events and opportunities? These present pleasant occasions to enjoy your “other” self.

If you would like a more “public” venue, = try motor sports, football matches, horse racing, sea cruising, (or of you wish= to try this before spending seven to ten or more days at sea), take a short se= a or train ferry or just drive to a country inn and stay the night. The opportunities are endless, only restricted by your own wishes, mind and com= fort level.

I love to do these things, usually on my own, sometim= es with a friend or if on a cruise with others. Even on a cruise with some two thousand ot= her passengers, I find, and love, those days when I can just got to breakfast or lunch, a drink in a bar or just be on my own for little while. Some of the = nicest people I have ever met have become friends over the years during these “excursions”.

Am I ashamed? Good heavens NO. Abby loves her lifestyle. Am I breaking the law? NO, not at all, it is not against the law to dress in the opposite gender appar= el, but do dress appropriately for whatever you are doing in public ... please. That way you w= ill usually avoid most unpleasant situations before they occur.

I have mentioned this before and make no excuses for repeating this again;

NEVER present yourself at an airline check in counter, car hire desk or hotel reception desk looking like a refugee from the Follies Bergere. The people = at these desks do not wish to be embarrassed any more than you do. ALWAYS dress smartly, be polite, relax and always SMILE! You will be treated with respect and consideration and probably receive a smiling “thank you, Madam= 221;!

Here are some Abby photos, do I look “ashamed&#= 8221; of who I am, are the people in them, embarrassed or “put out”? … Judge for yourself!

Abby and = new friends … and again = A cruise captain’s cocktail party = Mary & Abby new girls

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Abby with the Chef = Formal Abby = Abby checks in at BA Flight crew phot= o dinner time!

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Are these people embarrassed to be in the photos? Is = our lifestyle “unacceptable”?, judge for yourself. What makes the difference? Abby’s “attitude” and her respect for others = who want to talk with her. The= magic works, make it work = for you too, we are = very special nice people.

Having traveled by air for some years I appreciate th= at the check in person does not wish to be embarrassed any more than I would wish = to be. I expect to be treated with respect when I check in for public transpor= t or hotels, therefore I would NEVER= present myself looking like a passenger dressed inappropriately or they wou= ld object to. When did you ever receiv= e such a welcome to check in for your= flight? Even asked for a photo, s= martly attired is what I mean.

If you wish to be treated with the respect you feel y= ou are entitled to, then behave in that manner towards others serving those needs. When checking in at hotels or buying a train ticket, taking a sea ferry or ‘plane trip, please ladies present yourself smartly dressed, (perhaps= a two piece dress and coat set), behave as a lady would and don’t fiddl= e in a nervous manner at the desk. Abby’s five “C’s” have been her guide for years. She always remains Calm, Cool, Collected, Confident, sure of herself, is Considerate to such service peopl= e, thanks them for their assistance and she always HAS A READY SMILE and departing wave … IT WORKS! They have ALWAYS responded in the same kind manner.

Abby coll= ects her “Theatre Script” winnings = Ascot girls enjoying Abby = Abby cruises again

The above photos are from public outings including the famous Royal Ascot race meeting in England, girls on the grass i= nvited Abby to join them delighted to have this picture taken with Abby and friends. You can’t get = any more public than this. I loved my gorgeous hat, (fashion requires ladies to wear one at Royal Ascot), here, I am collecting my winnings from a horse ca= lled “Theatre Script” – as an actress I just HAD to bet on that one, although I know nothing about “form” and, bless it, it won at 25 to 1 , WOW!. Did the man beh= ind me or the clerk at the bookies window care! Of course not. <= /i>

Abby shopping        = Abby’s “Jag” at Ascot        =     Aboard Carnival “Victory” Abby on cruise ship stage

It is not possible to cover all situations and eventualities in this article. I would not even try to, but I do point out = some suggestions that you may feel apply to you. I have never met you perhaps, s= o I have to maintain a very general aspect to these considerations. Some may fi= t, others not, but if you need a starting point to make a public appearance consider the suggestions here.

Ladies, whatever you do, please be careful. Take it s= tep by step, there is no hurry. Move from one level to another only when you are satisfied that you are confident enough to do so and not placing yourself i= n an embarrassing or threatening situation, there are some people “out there” that may not accept you. Handling them is another subject, mentioned here, but not addressed in detail, but a smile goes a long way, i= t is difficult to argue with someone who smiles!

Be careful, enjoy yourself and do have fun, you deserve it!<= /p>

Please feel free to drop me a line if you wish to, abinamini@yahoo.com

Take care,

A= bby

     Abby’s = philosophy:

I am what I a= m,

and

I am proud to= be

what I am

I live the li= fe I love

and

love the life= I Iive!

And Man , I Feel Like a Woman!<= !--[if gte vml 1]>

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